My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
