discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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