Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
