I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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