Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
