Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
