I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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