I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
