You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
