i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I want is dick and wine.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
