Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
did i just pee glitter
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