dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize