Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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