My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
