When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
