The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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