Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
