Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
