so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
