i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize