how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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