i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
