You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize