you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
