please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
