So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
