She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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