My liver just broke up with me...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
