Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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