Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
