So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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