im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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