So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
