so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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