You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
