Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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