I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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