Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
