Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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