to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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