im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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