I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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