So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize