apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize