this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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