Screwed.edu
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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