so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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