he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize