It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
