Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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