a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
