Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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