When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
