masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
