I look better un-naked...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
