I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
