Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
