Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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