I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize