that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
