i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
