im holly from the hills drunk
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
