I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
