So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Even my vagina gasped.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
