Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
