my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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