we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
