So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
