you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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