Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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