This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
