i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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