Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize