OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
