'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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