things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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