So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
