thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
