Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
