When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
