In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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