Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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