so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
