I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
