happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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