Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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