then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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