Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
