we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize