Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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