So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
