I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
