dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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