I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
